Bud Abbot & Lou Costello:
WINDOWS SHUTDOWN ISSUES
New May 5, 2001
Costello: I got myself a fancy new computer with Win98.
Abbot: That’s terrific, Lou.
Costello: But I don’t know what any of it means!!
Abbot: You will in time.
Costello: That’s exactly why I am here to see you.
Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert.
Abbot: Well, I don’t know—
Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you’re going to train me.
Costello: Uh-huh. And I am here for my first lesson.
Abbot: OK, Lou. What do want to know?
Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.
Abbot: That’s true.
Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?
Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then—
Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.
Abbot: I know, you press the Start button—
Costello: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.
Abbot: I did.
Abbot: When I told you to press the Start button.
Costello: Why should I press the Start button?
Abbot: To shut off the computer.
Costello: I press Start to stop.
Abbot: Well Start doesn’t actually stop the computer.
Costello: I knew it! So what do I press.
Costello: Start what?
Abbot: Start button.
Costello: Start button to do what?
Abbot: Shut down.
Costello: You don’t have to get rude!
Abbot: No, no, no! That’s not what I meant.
Costello: Then say what you mean.
Abbot: To shut down the computer, press—
Costello: Don’t say, “Start!”
Abbot: Then what do you want me to say?
Costello: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button, even the Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.
Abbot: But that’s what you do.
Costello: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.
Abbot: Don’t be ridiculous.
Costello: I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it’s about time we started this conversion.
Abbot: What are you talking about?
Costello: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.